Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a doozey of a film. It was recorded in 2001 with a budget of 100k. You can tell. Half the movie are just. shots at different angles with instrumental music playing and no dialogue. Speaking of dialogue- the first spoken words in this film are something along the lines of "Where are the lesbians?" (i wouldnt know. i watched the spanish dub).
This film is about Jesus Christ coming back to earth to save the local lesbians from shappic-thirsty vampires. It is as ridiculous as it sounds. But I loved it!!! obviously, there are tons of lesbians. And in the first 10 minutes of the film we are introduced to my husbando- Father alban (or something along those lines)`.
OBLIGATORY FATHER ALBAN MINI_SHRINE
I could not in good faith recommend this film to anyone expecting genuine quality. often times the dialogue is just- hard to follow. The fight scenes are confusing, and we never fully get to know what causes vampirism? or why they target lesbians (bc they say they target lesbians but there are male vampires. Unless theyre incorrectly dubbed butches). Nonetheless- i fucking loved this film. It speaks very kindly of lesbians and the community (jesus is at one point saved from the streets after the beatdown of a lifetime by an implied trans woman or just.a plain transvestite) and its always nodding towards punk and alternative subcultures. It kinda reads as a statement of- yeah. jesus would be punk if he were to exist nowadays. jesus wouldnt gaf abt who you kiss or how you dress. He'll beat u up if youre atheist though.
It is a very bad film though. Like probably one of the worst ive seen. But it has so much goddamn charm if you can sit trough all the vacant instrumental-music-with-vague-action-onscreen shots. And if you dont mind seeing a guy get turned on by rubber guts. (its a thing)
ALSO THE MAIN VAPIRE GIRL IS FINE AS HELL!!! GADDAMN!!!
anyways. i love this movie. please watch it. please.